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Helping Those Who Need It Most - One Day At A Time

Ode to Alcohol


An Alcoholic Way of Thinking

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." 
                                                                    --by Jack Handy 

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. 
                                                                    --Frank Sinatra 

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. 
                                                                    --William Butler Yeats 

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. 
                                                                    --Catherine Zandonella 

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. 
                                                                    --Anonymous 

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. 
                                                                    --W.C. Fields 
 
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? 
                                                                    --Tee Mans 

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. 
                                                                    --Henny Youngman 

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. 
                                                                    -- Michelle Mastrolacasa 
 
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. 
                                                                    --Tom Waits 

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? 
                                                                    --Stephen Wright 

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. 
                                                                      --Frank Zappa 

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. 
                                                                        --Winston Churchill 

To beer, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems 
                                                                        --Homer J. Simpson 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. 
                                                                        --Benjamin Franklin 

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. 
                                                                        --Deep Thought, Jack Handy 

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. 
                                                                        --Dave Barry 

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. 
                                                                        --Kaiser Wilhelm 
 
You know you're drunk when you fall off the floor. 
                                                                        --Anonymous

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. 
                                                                        --Dean Martin 

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862! 
                                                                        --Anonymous

To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group 
                                                                        --Anonymous
 
Beer - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine! 
                                                                        --Brent Roper