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Helping Those Who Need It Most - One Day At A Time

Alcohol Warning


Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
 
 WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.